While one might not be able to accuse him of being too friendly, he speaks his mind. And that’s brisk, baby.Ice-T
Second cousin to a chemotherapist that stumbled upon the formula for Nair, Lingo had the discourse of being lost several times abroad due to his family’s constant vacationing. It was often rumored, but never confirmed, that these instances were intentional. As a small boy, he was suspected of having cerebral palsy when it was discovered that his mother had been putting (too much) whiskey in his bottle. Still, he managed to forge his own way in life, letting music be his guide. Though he was born from a family of means, his family mismanaged their coffers. Because of this, Lingo did not in fact attend college. Instead, he attended college parties, pilfering the text books of others whenever possible. Sadly, he would be present at many graduations, only never on stage.
Lingo’s exceptional writing skills were first formally recognized by the First Circuit Court of Appeals in Baton Rouge, Louisiana when he successfully forged a letter of pardon from the governor. Their embarrassment is the only reason he is still free today. After this brief stint in a “college” of his own, he fabricated an exceptional resume and sent it to Neworleansmusicians.com. We were unaware of the incredibly bogus nature of the document and jumped at the opportunity to have him in for an interview. To be fair, we did finally come to realize that he was not awarded the position of “Ketergantungan Kimiawi” during his residency in Indonesia. He didn’t even go to Indonesia. And Ketergantungan Kimiawi in English means chemically dependent. But this made it apparent that we had a clever one on our hands. And I like to believe that everyone has their strongpoints. So, we hired him.
He doesn’t show up on time, if ever. And he seems to have an aversion to personal hygiene. Those that meet him are usually turned off by this and his boisterous nature. He has a passion for music though. And at times he unknowingly reveals an emotionable consciousness that wraps itself in melody and articulates that into beautiful, literal sonic expansions. In other words, the kid’s a damn good music writer and we’re keeping him. I hope you all look out for his pieces in the future because I know I will. I have to fact check our little fabricator and act as a purifier to the hot air he so graciously pumps out to the masses. Until then, he goes by many titles; some of them quite insulting. But his name is Lingo Starr. And for all you local Louisiana bands out there, if you’d like your single reviewed and written about, he’s your man. You MUST be a member of Neworleansmusicians.com for your submissions to be considered. And while we get him set up, you can submit your single to email@example.com and I’ll make sure he gets his ass to the office (hopefully on time) and starts these reviews!
Author: David Trahan